Life can be defined in terms of relationships and issues. In life there are two main entities: relationships and issues. The whole of life can be summed up as having to do with relationships and issues. Relationships and issues. That’s all there is. There isn’t anything else. Relationships and issues.

Putting it that way makes it seem kind of simple, doesn’t it? But we all know that life is not simple. Life is complex, difficult and tough.

We know that initiating and maintaining relationships are extremely complex tasks, requiring awareness, knowledge, time and energy.

The issues with which we must all deal with daily can also be very, very complex also requiring awareness, knowledge, time and energy.

Not only are these two entities quite complex in and of themselves, they often compete with each other, battle for supremacy and generally tend not to get along very well with each other. Additionally, issues seem to have a way of bursting to the surface, demanding our focus, time and energy in a way that is much like an attention seeking, self-centered child having a temper tantrum.

And to make this whole thing even more interesting, I’ll throw in another variable. By nature or by nurture, as individuals we tend to be either issue focused or relationship focused.

How should our relationships be affected by the issues (the daily stuff) of our lives? Are there ways to eliminate some of the battles that go on between relationships and issues? Is there a way to produce greater efficiency and effectiveness in both areas? This would certainly be the ideal approach.

I have observed over the years, that an over-focus on issues will divide relationships.

But if one focuses only on relationships, none of the stuff of life gets done.

Could it be that we make life more complex, difficult and tough than it really needs to be?

Is it possible to work “smarter” rather than “harder”?

Things in apparent conflict or competition with one another and which seem to be contradictory, but are actually complementary are called paradoxes.

And indeed, there is a resolution to this paradox of issues and relationships.

And not so surprising, the resolution to this dilemma, can be found in scriptures as we look for Biblical principles associated with God's Creative Design.

God created man in His own image.

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. NIV

God also gave man some tasks to perform (a relational act). Here we see that God related differently to the man that He had created than He did to any other of His living creations (creatures of the sea, air or land).

Genesis 2:15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.
Genesis 2:19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.
Genesis 2:20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
Psalms 8:5-9 “You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O LORD, our lord how majestic is your name in all the earth!

God early on established that He is relational; He is a relational God. Even a casual reading of the Bible will clearly reveal that God is relational. He loves, He guides, He cares, He forgives, He blesses, He encourages, He protects, He provides, He corrects and He draws men, women and children to Himself. There is more, but you get the idea.

Made in His image, men and women are also relational beings.

God created man to have fellowship (a relationship) with Him. And for a time God and Adam and Eve did have unbroken fellowship.

Then along came satan in the form of a serpent and lowered one of God’s commands to the level of an issue, by implying that God was unfair to have placed on them the restriction that they must not eat the fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden (the tree of the knowledge of good and evil).

God so highly valued his relationship with man that He did not let this issue (disobedience with all its consequences) be the final word. The relationship was more important than the issue. In Genesis 3:15 He spoke of the Saviour (God giving His only Son, Jesus Christ) who would come to earth, be born of a virgin, live a sinless life, be the perfect, complete and total sacrifice for our sins, be raised again, now seated at the right hand of God and would come again. All to make it possible for man to be restored back into a right relationship with God.

Isaiah 43:25 “I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins”. (KJV). God does not save us for our sakes. He saves us for His sake. This gives us further insight into God’s relational nature, and how He took care of this issue to restore the relationship.

Thus, the resolution to this paradox is to do what God did to make it possible for man to once again have the fellowship with Him for which he was created.

God resolved the issue of disobedience (sin), under the umbrella of the relationship. He did not allow the issue to become more important than the relationship.

And so this is what we should do. Address all issues under the umbrella of the relationship. That is just what God did, as noted above. Never allow any issue to remain the focus or to become more important than the relationship. Example: "You are my son or my daughter, and I will not allow anything (issue) to get in the way of my relationship with you".

Note that teenagers will, for a variety of reasons, make life issue focused and it takes a wise and informed parent to address those issues under the umbrella of the relationship. Otherwise those issues will divide the parent child relationship.

It is essential to accurately view the “big picture”. Relationships are more important than issues. Just saying this however, is not enough. Just saying that we will put relationships “first” will not be effective, as this does not address the fact that these two entities are inseparable and are interrelated in complex ways. Learning how to address the issues of life under the umbrella of the relationship will make it possible for parents and families to Live According to God's Creative Design.

The first of two main goals of this program is to promote the development of relationships. Strong parent leaders make this a priority and understand that there is nothing more important in life than in initiating and maintaining relationships, starting with the relationships in their families. Strong parent leaders also understand that Relationships along with Serving Others In Love and Life Long Learning are all about Living According To God's Creative Design. Strong parent leaders understand that the development of relationships is promoted by learning to serve one another in love, making ourselves easier to live with, becoming an encourager, communicating with skill, understanding and compassion, building family unity and team spirit and practicing a healthy life style.

The second of the two main goals of this program is to make available to families a variety of systems or means to effectively and efficiently address the issues of everyday life. Otherwise they will likely become overly preoccupied, bogged down or worn out. It is absolutely essential that families become energy and time efficient as they deal with the issues of life, because if they don't, their relationships will be profoundly and continuously affected in negative ways. Energy is limited for everyone and time is that non-renewable resource.

When families are able to adress these issues efficiently and effectively then they will have the time and energy to focus on developing their relationship withGod, their relationships with family members and with others.

Lowell E. Becker, M.D.
Child and Family Psychiatrist