The Dangers of a Child-Centered Home
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There are many situations where any child will become the center of attention or concern for a brief time such as special celebrations, brief illnesses, etc. That is quite normal and to be expected. What is of concern here is when a child has come to have an entrenched central position in the family relational structure.
 Factors that will tend to push a home in the direction of becoming child-centered:
- A child (or children) with major physical, medical, social, emotional or educational needs which require greater than usual amounts of time, money and/or energy on the part of the parent for an extended period of time.
- When a parent selects one of the children to be his/her favorite.
- Families with one child.
- Families with a child who has a cluster of much older siblings.
What are the dangers of a child-centered home?
- At the top of the list is that the child in this type of home comes to have more power than they know what to do with, which often results in anxiety, role reversal or out-of-control behavior.
- This child likely will develop an inflated sense of importance.
- This child intentionally or unintentionally is often made aware of adult matters and is often included in adult conversations. This usually leads to heightened awareness on the part of the child who, of course, does not have the experience or resources to address adult problems.
What can be done to prevent a home from becoming child-centered and what can be done to change a home that has become child-centered?
- The most important thing is to recognize this possibility or that such a situation now exists.
- Once this is recognized, the mental step of making wise choices can begin the process of gradually moving to an adult-centered home.
- The adult in a single parent family will need to discuss adult matters (finances, etc.) only with other adults, and not with the child (children) in the family.
- There will need to be social times for adults separate from social times for children as well as social times together as a family.
- Since the issue of leadership in the home is one of the major components of an adult-centered home, careful attention needs to be given to leadership style, ability and confidence.
The family that functions most effectively in this regard is the adult-centered home where the adults welcome and bond with their children, including them in the family unit and providing all that is needed for healthy physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual growth that is well balanced.
Remember, you were here first. Your child has joined you for a few brief years and then in most situations will be gone and it will be back to adults only.
One of the main goals of wise parents is to raise children in such a way that they will be able to have a good adult relationship with them in the future. This is not such a bad idea considering that it is likely that they will be making some decisions for you in your later years.
Lowell E. Becker, M.D.
Child and Family Psychiatrist |
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