Do provide your time, QUALITY & QUANTITY.

Time: Quality & Quantity. Both are good and necessary. A focus on one does not lessen the need for the other.

Anyone who has been around children knows that something called a “teachable moment” only comes around every once in a while and often does so at the most inopportune time. These are special moments when a child is truly seeking information or has made some comment. This “teachable moment” is an example of a quality time opportunity. Something very likely is going on in the child’s world that gives the adult the chance to powerfully impact his/her life and thinking. The adult who is seeking to have a positive impact on a child needs to be looking for such opportunities.

If it is totally impossible for the adult to respond to the child at that moment (ex. for safety reasons, etc.), the adult should verbally confirm the importance of the child’s observation or question, and make a contract for a contact. The contact should be as soon as possible, and the contract must be kept.

As a matter of fact, quality time is more likely to be defined as such and determined by the child than by the adult. Time set aside unilaterally by the adult to discuss something considered important to them rarely is considered quality time by the child. Children are often spontaneous in their thinking and actions, and so they do not plan for the important stuff, and additionally the ability to wait is just in the early stages of development if present at all.

It is common for a parent to feel as if there is just not enough of him/her to “go around”, to meet the quality and quantity time needs of all of the other family members. This is particularly true for a sensitive parent. An open family discussion of this matter will usually be very beneficial. However, even after such discussions, there may not be solutions which are totally satisfying to all concerned.

Many parents utilize a calendar to schedule their individual times with a child. It is as if putting it in writing for all to see gives the child a special sense of importance and makes it more likely that the event will really happen; both of which are true and are very important to the child.

REMEMBER, CHILDREN WILL TRUST ADULTS ONLY IF THEIR ACTIONS MATCH THEIR WORDS.

Lowell E. Becker, M.D.
Child and Family Psychiatrist